well its been a very long time.
i have been using my myspace, but i hate all thos fake ass people so im going to start using this again. im going to write my nanorimo on here becuase melissas crazy computer dosnt have word. im going to do kind of a coronical of my depresstion and feelings. and why they make me crazy and stuff like that. also i can bitch about people here who will never see it. like certin people who have totally fucked me over for their own gain and forced be into a downward spin in which i do not know who the hell to trust.
oh well
everyone sucks, i dont need anymone. least of all fake ass bitches who think they are all that but who are really not.

ok so yeah i want to rant so i must.
im just sick of eveyone
maybe i wouldnt need to simmer down if people didnt put every damn thing on me and expect me to fix it make it right or get it done 5 minutes ago.
MELLOW OUT
i will give you mellow out i wont say a damn word to anyone about anything and be just like some other moody bitch who needs attention all the fucking time and wont shut the fuck up about how every man in sharpsburgh wants her round as the fucking moon ass.
i dont think she really vomits after evety meal her ass is way to fucking fat. and i have never seen such a top heavy person in my life, but not in the good way. im so sick of giving everyone attention and patting them on the back and saying its ok blah blah blah. i am a bitch cuz i dont give a fuck any more
i want to say grow up deal with it, and by the way miss thing you are not all that, unless by all that you mean all that fat. im not hot and its true but nither are you and at least i cover my goodies. you stupid cow. just eat , go to work, shut the fuck up and stop braging about how everyone in this town wants to fuck you, cuz they dont trust me. they think you are as annoying as i do , but no one has the balls to say it but me so that makes me a bitch. and guess what i dont think im better than you ucz i work at the shop. i know im better than you for the key word work. i know how to do it, things suck some times but you deal. i work my as off for peanuts cuz im trying to make that shop they best i can. you show up long enough to eat, vomit, and hang all over my boss. guess what hunny he is gay GAY GAY GAY he likes boy parts you stupid fuck. he is not some kind of prize and stop making yourself a fucking necklace on his while your there he is trying to work. and one more thing just to prove how horrid i really am. he will never never never have a baby with you, you stupid moron, who wants those genetics. he just says it to shut you up. when asked "why do you want a baby?" if you give the answer " i dont know i just want one" maybe your lady parts should be removed forcefuly cuz you shouldnt have them, and why didnt you keep the stupid kid you got knocked up with in the first place. and why if you want to keep things privet do you tell everyone your fucking shit. here is a clue maybe everyone in this stupid town wouldnt think you were a dumb slut if you didnt talk about your sex life to everyone and anyone who buys a stick of gum at dollar general. and by the way your jobs not that damn hard. you know i went to the hospital with your stupid ass at 3 am cuz you thought your fat ass was having a heart attack, no you just needed some attention. i just wish i has figured out how truly fucked up you are before i wasted so much of my time trying to be your friend you stupid stupid little child.

and on to the next stupid bitch, if i tell you something, or rather you oever hear something while im on the phone with my real friend and you just didnt get the hint to walk away and i cant be botherd to hit you, maybe if the person is crying you should go run and tell someone, it might be something you want to keep to yourself. but its ok we will just say it is under the blanket of being concerned, well fucker if you guys hadnt pushed me to my breaking point i wouldnt be this way thats a lie i have always been this way.
im a stupid fucking moron who has done nothing with my life but be selfish and look out formyself, cuz i never feed my sisters or give my mom money or cook or clean or try to make a nice fucking holiday for my fucking family only to get schooled in rat girl fkighting 101 by my little sister who i was very good about not hitting. i never did any of those things, im just a lazy fuck who dosnt care about anyone else. im a bad sister and child and student and girlfriend. i never did everything in my power and more for my friends just to get someones back to look at, i never gave people chance after chance to prove they were worth my time. i never did any of those things and that is why i am the useless ass hat i am today. i guess the ugly from the outside soked through or maybe the ugly on the outside is showing itself.
my family hates me, but its ok cuz i hate me too. friends , i have one dont know why though.
i cant trust anyone, i cant tell anyone anything and im never allowed to be upset or moody or make a mistake cuz its a downer for everyone. listin to that stupid tomato talk for hours on end about how much her life sucks but say what you really think and your mean.
well fuck you guys
i think my co workers are lazy dead weight. so not only do i do everything , i have to be pissed at someone too. i feel guilty for reading 4 pages of a book when i have been at work from 11 am and its almost 10 and i still have a few hours to go. fuck thast do something
i dont like people that need attention all the time cuz im jellous cuz all i get is the negitive
your all crazy.
i have become my mother

Franz Kafka's comment about what literature is a very interesting one. it is also obviously a very passionate view. it can be said that literature like movies are an entertainment media and should only be treated as such. meaning that the only thing one should read or watch is frivolous literature. however i agree with Kafka's ideas about reading something that leaves an impact. i also think this is most true for the genre of science fiction. the darker a work if scifi is the greater the value of the piece. it is my belief, that Kafka's comment means that we need literature that makes us think, that evokes an emotional response so that we the viewer can examine our own opinions and feelings. i think this is more true of science fiction which is so often connected to current events and what the future consequences of the actions we take today will be more that any other genre. however if Kafka could also include films such as A.I. and KPAX in his thesis it would canvous a larger group. these two films should not only be included in this theory but are also proven worthy by Kafka's statement.
the reasons that the film kpax should be included are as fallows. the audience can not help but have a strong emotional reaction to the character of Prot. though it is not always a positive effect it is still prevalent. one of example of this is Prot's interaction with the other pacents in the mantle ward of the hospital. it is not always easy to like Prot because of the possibly false hope he offers them. another reason i believe that Kpax should be considered in this group is the way the film makes you think. in this film the plot points are not easily visible. this film makes us wonder "what would i do in this situation?". it makes one wonder what they would honestly do if someone told them, like Prote, that he was an alien, come to study us. the final and most important reason for my belief that this is the kind of fiction that it stays with you. Kpax ends without any real explanation or closure. the film is not easily forgotten or resolved in the viewer's mind. the fact that you never find out weather Prote is in fact an alien or not leaves the story open for interpretation. it is my opinion that this is what Kafka meant.

also another great example of a film that should be considered is A.I., the story of a boy made of artificial intelligence and the people and A.I. he interacts with. this film is filled with a wide array of emotions ranging from amusement to heart felt sympathy for David. David is the first artificial child which brings a feeling of uncharted territory to the film that clearly effects the audience. the inexplicably high emotional connection made with David and his story makes A.I. a unique film in its genre and all others. this is clearly a good indicator of this films worthiness in Kafka's categorizes. A.I. is also another great example of a film that makes you think. the unprecedented subject matter of this film really gives the viewer an opportunity to examine ones own morals in dealing with this sensitive and sometime upsetting subject matter. another point of the movie that fits into Kafka's model is the very complex relationship between David and Monica. this relationship is unique in many ways to the point that one might wonder, "what would i do?". when all the elements of this film and combined it creates a world unlike any other in which one can explore the thoughts and questions that linger long after the movie has ended.

weather it be through an emotional connection to a man that may be crazy or might just be an alien or taking a second look and a boy that isnt really a boy these films show that one can truly enjoy a movie that challenges emotionally, sparks an unconventional idea or rocks you to the core in a way you will never forget. i believe that Kafka's ideal that one should always read something that offend ones soul is not only appropriate to these films it shows that even an entertainment media can change the way you see everything.

my concept.
my story is my version of a scifi folk tail. i tried to ask myself the question "what if there was an intergalactic gold rush?" and then i tried to answer that question. i wanted to ommit the names of the charactors to make it sound like a story one would hear around a camp fire or in a bar. but i also wanted to be spacific about names of places because the people in my universe have common knolage of these places such as pluto 3 everyone would know where it is. i tried to make the concept for my universe clear but not so obvious that you are beaten over the head with it.

you know my job is drving me crazy, and im falling behind in school but right now i really feel sorry for my sister.
poor thing, i cant say that im completlly hoping this all works out with her husband, he is so bad for her, she will be so much better off. he is so lucky they are so far away cuz i would show him a thing or two, and im not above hitting him on his blind side. he is a user and a selfish little twat, he never grew up and that pathetic, whats even more he would rather spend time on internet people than my sister, who the hell do you think you are? just use her for your rent and to pay for your fun,
you thought she was someone else? well yeah people , real people change and grow but oh i forgot your not a real person your forever a child, not just a child a stupid, bothersum, spoiled child.
you sicken me,
take your legos or what ever you play with and shove them right up your ass
that is if there is any room with your head up there.
what makes you so special?
on paper your a loser and in person your even worse. what the hell gives you the right to do the things you do. what the hell makes you think you are above caring for other and i dont know HAVE A FUCKING SOUL!!!
my sister will be better off without you, im just sad it cost her so much money time and most of all greaf.
if you ever even try to contact her after all this is done i hope it is to tell her that you need money cuz you got some internet girl preggers and your living in your moms livingroom and the bitch is taking you to court cuz shes 13 and when that day comes, you stupid child, i hope that she LAUGHS IN YOUR UGLY WONK EYED FACE.
i feel sorry for my sister and a feel pain with her and for her,

but you jimbo, i laugh at you, i would pitty you but your too much of an ass for me to even think of doing such a thing. enjoy your "freedom" ie your loser free time.
i will gladly take my sister back in any state she may be in, and she will get over it and there will be times you is sad but as time goes on she wont even think about you, thats how little you are.

AND THE FIRST THING I AM DOING WHEN TAMMY COME HOME IS TAKE HER TO KENNY WOOD!!
JUST LIKE THE THUNDERBOT, I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE TO WELCOME MY SISTER BACK.

ok so things right now are really kinda messed up i got all kinda drama right now so i can thank my lucky stars that at least i have good friends and some sanity.
but then it called.
of all people jason, my ex, the guy that made me cry all the time, ripped my heart out called me.
i was so over this, i put it behind me and wrote it off as a lesson learned.
i have been giving him the cold shoulder for like a year, that kinda made me feel good and gave me some power. but then he says the thing i never expected
"im sorry"
what? what the hell? he really sounds sorry, he tells me that he thinks about what he did all the time and feels bad it " hunts " him. it hunts him? im the one that has to deal with it, im still dealing with it.
so i take the chance to say what i have been thinking about and dreaming about saying
but he agrees with me. how dare he agree with me? like he is really sorry.
and he wants to be friends thats the clincher. of course i said no.
but seriously what the hell i dont need this right now.
so i ask why?

all i have to say is wow like really woooooow.
i really hope this is a gag but if it isnt i cant stand the funny.
i must remember to RSVP my place in heaven for under 20 bucks, as long as i dont go to taco bell i should be fine, damn tasty chalupas are worth it.

http://www.reserveaspotinheaven.com/

and also you can send people to hell for an extra fee.... 8th grade Spanish teacher you will get your comeuppance!!!

im in english but my teacher isnt, so i think i will take it apon myself to teach the class, its a war zone out there and if someone dosnt lead this class to victory we will all be left in the dust....sorry i think that was from a world war two movie i watched the other night.

anyway first order of bussiness descussing all the reasons why making a screw driver sonic was a good idea.

second order of bussiness figure out all the posible uses for a stop watch and their effects of "literature" and by that i mean people and by people i mean jack, he is so smexy

dude im so mad.
i end up asking myself the same damn question about every 3 or 6 months. why am i not good enough? why is it that no one will just love me or commit to me? why is it that everything i let go of my baggage and say screw it i will just let myself go and see what happens its like someone punches me in the gut and say " fell for it again"? what is wrong with me? i like i have a temper and that im not always reasonable but i thought the fact that i actually care for pople , not just niceness or pity, but really care for people means something but i guess it dosnt. i feel like im unlovable like no one that dosnt have to care for be because of blood relation feel like im a worth while person.

i just wanna know why? i just want to know why it work out for me i feel like it should i feel like i have alot to give and i feel like i do give everything i can, i give everything i have to give and it gets thrown back in my face. " not good enough" seems to be what the world is saying to me. and its not like my standards are too high, i dont want anything special, just love me, care about me and treat me well. why is this too much to ask for? why wont it work why dont the numbers add up?

today i feel unloved, unworthy, and like im going to keep going through the same thing over and over again untill i give up or finally settle for being second best.

not a good day.

ps. to my family this dosnt mean you this is purely a relationship ( or lack there of) thing

pps. yes i know this message is self loathing, self pity but its how i feel and my feelings are real and they should mean something.

royally pissed off. im in the same boat at tammy oddly enough. boys suck i wish everyone would just get alone and think with their brains and not what ever stupid ass part of the body is so stupid.

im so sick of my inconsiderate family these fucking people dont know how to function without makeing a ton of noise. as i write this marry is listing to music whiles she knows i have been trying to what TW all morning, but couldnt becuse even with head phones on i would hear the woman on the "news" screaming the headlines about something i dont really care about but she is going to force me to care about anyway and my mom going "OH MY GOD" like she is so concerd and shocked there are people killing people in the world.
and mellisa is on the second floor blasting retarded music that makes me physicly ill to listin to. if people cant handle themselves i will just have to distroy all noise making devices.

god i need to move out.

i was listening to the *Gasp* radio i herd a song i kind of like. so went to find it on youtube to keep for my own, well to make the story short i spent ages looking for the damned thing because i spelled the persons name correctly, well the word anyway. finally found it by the way its by "fabolous" and "T-plan"

i assume the T in T-plan stands for Tremendous failure.

English, your doing it wrong.

you know i was chilling around youtube as i often do when im feeling like having a real life is just too much work watching so crazy Japanese kids doing crazy Japanese things. when i wondered to myself
"what is up with japan?" then i came across this..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_GWWJE-e2U

question answered


sort of


not really


ok it just leaves me with my questions


Japan, WTF!!

but its cool it really is, im into cultural things i may not understand.


But as for "culture" read next post for an all american gem.


side note: my cat made a stink the likes of which can only be compared to the Chernobyl debacle. dear lord cat.

ok so i am way over my head in my English class, i thought it was gonna be very interesting and that i would have something to talk about finally (other than the fact that i hate most of the books in most classes) but no, now im that kid sitting there wondering what the hell everyone is talking about, this is kind of bad of course because that sort of thing is not good for my grade but its kind of a good thing im not nearly as much as a geek as i thought i was.

other than that im enjoying it, its fun and mrs T is cool. its been fun if not a little over my head.
when she asked what black board was the other day i really didnt know what it was. once again not a good thing. i sat there all quite. oh well we will see.

side note that poem i read is like soooo out there. i didnt get it im not that deep.

me like doctor who better.

there is a new form of entertainment available to the unwashed masses. of course its on youtube.com yes i'm talking about the new crazy of taking the often misunderstood lyrics of some songs and adding captions of what it "sounds like"

finally under-enunciating the English language is not only ok, its hilarious!

enjoy.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=1_pJNCKTEuQ&feature=related

so im going to tell you what i think of the movies i have seen and the trailers i have seen cuz i thought you might want to know.



Trailer: 10.000 B.C.

oh 10,000 B.C. you are the movie i have been waiting for. This movie has it all. Yes there are mammoths, saber tooth tigers, nomadic cave men, Egypt, Aztecs and much much more. but its not a total loss, there is a "Lord of the rings" kind of feeling. and the cute girl from "when a stranger calls" is the princess Lea-ish jail bail grily of the buff male lead. oh he is the " first hero" by the way. Oh there also apears to be a "brave heart" pep talk. so yeah woo hoo for that i guess.

all in all this movie seems like the miss-mashed notes of a super senior from the entier semester with missing pages and less than accurate notations. This kid WILL fail the final.

But what can you expect from the man that brought us the worst Godzilla movie ever.

BATMAN:

FREAKEN AWESOME!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE IT! I wasn't a fan of Heath Leadger to start with, i thought "this is going to be some broke back batman with a kangaroo twist" im sure i was soooooo wrong.
Im sorry bat man people i should have had more faith, please take my right arm as an offering and grant me forgiveness... yeah love love love it.


In Theaters:
The Golden Compass
There was a lot of talk about the anti-Christian parts of the Golden Compass book series (i smell another harry potter drama) so being catholic as i am i was so ready to see this movie, and look for all this stuff so i can say to these people " oh come on that could be taken other ways" But i couldnt say that after seeming the movie. I watched closely for these things, and to be honest i saw nothing of the sort. Trust me, as a person who has had catholic teachings beat into me, if it was in there i would have found it. i have not read the books but i have a feeling that this is one of those times that if you want to find anti-christian parts of this book you will find them and if you dont, you wont.

All in all this movie was good, a set up for the next one of course, but good. and the whiskey chugging polar bear is classic.


DVD: Down with Love

I saw this movie for the first time cuz Ewen Mcgregor is my emo dream boy... any how about 10 minutes into the movie i was feeling like i had already seen it and then i figured out i had seen it. but the movie was called pillow talk and Dorris Day did it so much better than duck faced whats her name? i love the concept of replacing a man with chocolate though.

for the most part its a good movie, not great. but it dosnt take itself seriously and you know that while watching. it was funny, the true hight of camp. i just felt a little cheated :(



so that is what i think of the movies, i really just needed to bitch so disregard if you no likey

So i need an outlet for how stupid i think the world is so i have chosen to use my blog.
i know, call it a Christmas gift from me to you.
thats right tell your friends, tell your husband and read me.

well no time to start like the present....

so i go to the movies today to see "I am Legend" and it was an exercise in stupidity.

to start with i got popcorn, i wanted me some popcorn so i got it, to make my 9 dollar bag of popcorn just perfect i put a little salt on it, only the cap to the shaker came clean off and i got one of those kitchen sized salt shakers in my 9 dollar bag of popcorn.
first thing i thought, " damn teenagers..."
I was unhappy with my salt situation that made my 9 dollar popcorn unfit for consumption. However because it was 9 dollar popcorn i consumed it anyway.

the there was this trailer, oh my god, but that is for my movie review so i will contain myself.

OK so the part that really bothered me, the part that really got my goat was the DAMN CELL PHONES of the teen aged boys sitting in front of me. we call watched the dancing star that told us to turn off our cell phones, its clear, its a dancing star, most likely directed point blank at rude teen agers. i am the first to admit i have bad cell phone edict, but there are two things i will not do. i will NOT USE MY CELL PHONE WHILE IN THE LADIES ROOM even if i am just checking my hair, its just not cool. and the second thing i wont do is MESS WITH MY PHONE WHILE IN A MOVIE.
so at the most awesome part of the movie the first time you get to see the zombies i got a blinding blue light in my eyes. i thought that i was having a moment where god was going to tell me the winning lottery numbers, but no. it was a text message, apparently a very important one, so important he has to respond at that very moment. it was important and funny, because he laughed loudly while those of us watching the movie find out everyone on earth is dead. oh it was also catching cuz all of this friends started doing the same thing. important, funny and catching.
these boys were text messaging all through the best parts of the movie. i was unhappy.

so i bitched all the way out of the movie about how pissed i was and then i realized i am the crabby old lady who lives down the street. it makes me sad.


But i dont care i still hate teen agers at the movies.

ok my cat IS an ass hole. She keeps knocking things over and jumping into things that ought not be jumped in such as open microwave, frig, and my favorite the dryer full of wet close about to be turned on.
the thing thats really ass hole-ish but still really cute is that while trying to open a little flip top box to get some keys the cat kept hitting the lid closed on my hand like 4 times it was mean but cute, she dosnt like anything sitting higher than her on the entertainment center.

sigh i guess i will keep her

OK im so pissed off.
its time for more wisdom from me.

HERES WHAT I KNOW:

- men and women who used to go out for longer than a month can not be friends. if you can be friends that means you didnt give a shit about the person to start with.

-people should not hang out with, spend time with, or "chill" with their ex because its a bad idea for anyone.

-once again you cant be "good friends" with an ex. this means one of three things, you want them back, you miss the attention the person gave you, or your an ass hat who wants to annoy the other women in your life.

Sorry folks im just pissed off i dont understand what the fuck is wrong with men and why they do this. i dont understand why anyone does this, if you are no longer in a relationship with some one THERE IS REASON its because you dont love them anymore, and stand them anymore or they are a person you cant have a relationship with cuz you realized after too long that he/she is a soul sucking fuck-tard. so why would you still want to be friends with that? people are pathetic and i need to move to a place was stupidity is not the currency.

In the words of my sister im finding a lot of truth in the internet these days.



THINGS I AGREE WITH:

- harsh warnings and finger wagging dose not fight terrorism

- pulling a knife at a debate is cool.

- iran may not have gay people.

- people that have atomic bombs are retards, and thats the last thing a retard needs.

- Bush most likely did throw all the good parties in collage.